alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Can I color on your dick again?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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