I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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