There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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