and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
