oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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