You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Blood and glitter go together right?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
