"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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