K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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