Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
