It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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