She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
