rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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