sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
