His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
