I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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