the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
