you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
