please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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