So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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