She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
