Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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