Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
