Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
