a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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