And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
