I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
