Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
