is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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