I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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