ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize