I skipped work to stalk him.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
