You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize