apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just had sex on a roof
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
