i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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