I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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