Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
