You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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