I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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