just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
