Banned from zoo.
Again?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Rumble strips road head = magical
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
