It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
