The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
