i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
