We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
