Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
