hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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