we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my shit smells like andre
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
