Soap is not a condiment
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
