Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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