im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
That's how pantless uber rides happen
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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