What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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