Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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