dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
