I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
