am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize