His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
