I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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