I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
