Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
