I think I won the penis lottery.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize