is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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