Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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