I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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