I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
