OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
