i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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