He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
