mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
