It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize